Hi, i'm not dead. Yet.

I thought i'd never have to have this feeling. But still, we're all humans & uncertainty plays a part in our lives. It's a feeling i hate the most. Even the feeling of betrayal, the feeling of hate, the feeling of pain is something i'd withstand. But the feeling of uncertainty is something i swear makes me wanna pull my hair off, & makes me feel like shit.

I just hope this doesn't die. I'm sorry, i'm just new to all of these. Things are awkward, & i'm hoping this phase will pass by in the blink of an eye.

Impatience.

I guess have 3 more months of singlehood left

The planetary energy may encourage you to consider strengthening a bond with someone whom you have grown extremely fond of. You have both arrived at a stage where you know a lot about each other's faults and failings, yet above and beyond these you both feel that life without each other would not be worth living. You are happy to settle into a deeper and more committed relationship.

Simpang bedok!

This was quite long back. For the hari raya holidays!

Best deepavali :)

Thank god, there was enough space/food/seats for everyone. House was super packed, moving around was hard. But it was nice to have all your closed ones around you. :)

I had a very very very very very very good surprise from Sara.

Yesterday morning he told me he wouldn't make it to my house cause he was confined in camp. At first i thought he was just joking. & then i told him i'm gonna cry & usually when i do that, he'd say "Okay okay, don't cry. I never wanna see you upset." But he still prolonged it, said he was really sorry & all. I was so so upset, i didn't have the mood for anything else. I didn't wanna dress up anymore, i didn't wanna welcome guests anymore cause i was so disappointed.

In the end, i pulled myself up & said it's fine. There are always other circumstances for him to meet the family.

GUESS WHO ENTERED THE HOUSE IN TRADITIONAL, LOOKING LIKE A GROOM, AT 9PM. As shock as i was, i felt my hands trembling & i swear it was the best surprise ever. He's getting pretty good at his surprises & looks like it's time i learn from him! hehehe

So they left about 12 plus after the man u match. I had such an awesome time. I am so thankful to god for such awesome friends, family & what not.

Ouh & thanks to winter who was so patient & not rowdy with the guests.

ILML.

P/s Rest of the pictures in fb!

Saturday

I love the camera that dukes' friends have bought for my sister. It's just damn awesome. With cameras like these, there is no need for DSLRs!

Anyways, speaking of saturday, i'm really really nervous. I don't even know if there's going to be enough space in the house to fit everyone. Which is an estimated no. of 60. There's definitely going to be more/less people & having to predict or assume is something i am not very good at. :(

I hope the food's enough as well, & no one has to end up sitting on the floor(-.-), or people have to leave fast cause they're feeling too stuffy.

Am i worrying too much? I tend to do this shit all the time. SIGH.

Happy Deepavali!

My deepavali started off with Sara, & then to Sang's house & then lastly to Ramesh's house. Tonight shall be Sara's house(Another one), Rani Aunty's house & then the best, Guy3's place!! MUAHAHAHAH. Okay happy deepavali all. I have geog quiz to do by tomorrow. Damnnit

Failure

Last year, around this time, i remember telling my classmates. "Next year, we're gonna celebrate halloween like mad cause because of our O's, we cannot make any plans." But guess what, looks like this year is an epic failure once again. But not because we have exams or whatsoever, but because no-freaking-body wants to pick up their damn phone. If you don't wanna pick up calls then why on earth do you have a mobile phone? Just dispose it & stop wasting people's time & energy.

How much would it hurt just to pick up a call & say something?

It's not fair because here i am with my bestfriend, trying out utmost to coordinate things & bring the class together, plan & all. & there you guys are giving no bloody shit response. As pissing off as it can get, i feel like telling you all to GO & DIE!!!!!!

IM DAMN PISSED OFF!! NEXT TIME WE'RE NOT PLANNING ANYTHING & YOU GUYS CAN GO AHEAD & PLAN YOURSELF.

& once again, God has taught me a lesson. At the end of the day, no matter what, through thick or thin, it's your BESTFRIEND STANDING BY YOU!!!!!

300th post.

I find you beautiful. You know what you want to be in life. You're what every guy wants and needs by him. You seem kinda confused over things at times. You take time to judge on what you want. nevertheless , awesome soul. I don't find any flaw in you. I find you adorable. I find you mindsweeping. I find you , like a princess. I find you , occupying my mind atleast 1/2 a day.
2 weeks seems seriously like , more than 3 months ? Trust me. It feels like that for me. Idk for you. You try your best to stay or rather keep away from me but it's me who is comiing to talk to you. I find you , cute. I find you like the star on my Christmas tree. I like you , for whom you are. You said , I'll shower love on the guy whom I marry. All the love I can shower.
I'll do the same , that's if I get you. Or even if I don't , anyone who gets you ; is helleuva lucky guy. I'd wish him my bestest of all the luck and he'll have my utmost respect.
You're a gem.
In simple terms.

Poem

Your eyes so marvellous. Your lips so delicious. I wanna stay cautious. But my heart is going anti-bogus. You smile like the flower lotus. We can be the princess and prince of a beautiful wide stretch garden ; like owners. But why is it today ; you're getting me all so jealous ? bit by bit ; I know you find it ridiculous.

Why?

Do you think it's fair? For you to budge in just like that, & say whatever you've said? I was there. Well atleast i was about to reach the door to another world. & then you just had to come & push me back, make me fall a few steps. Why? Why're you doing this?

It's my fault. & if anything is gonna happen, it's gonna be my fault. Cause whatever's gonna happen, is whatever i have allowed for it to happen. I don't wanna disappoint him. I don't wanna ruin your future, & i hope you don't wanna ruin mine.

But please, don't stay. But..... don't go either.

:)

Many more to come :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VICKNESH ARVIN PILLAY!

Thanks for being such an awesome friend. & someone who never fails to cheer me up whenever i needed to smile. Hope you had a good 19th & i can't wait for our bowling session! :D

Poem no. 1

I like the way , you run the show.

It makes me say , Dutchy baby oh oh.

You make my blood go so low.

Not only low but also travel slow.

Where's the cupid & It's pin sharp bow.

I want it to pierce your heart & make you glow.

Glow & go. Baby , give me another show.

MSN doesn't have the exact right emoticon i can use now in order to put across the exact right feeling im feeling right now.

"Msn nor facebook never does express feelings or emotions.

Even over the phone.

Look into my eye and tell it all. It will show how me how your words come out of your lips ; like a lovely niagara waterfall."

What's a soul mate? I really don't understand.

"A crush , is something for a short period. A like , is for a longer extend. A love ; is for your heart. A soul mate is for your life. you know , Like my wife."

Just wanna tell you that you should give your heart away carefully alright.

"My heart is in a state where , if it's for sale; It would be the most expensive one. Cause it was used in all manners.

Not raw for a cheap sale.

I know things inside out.

Heart is a sacred thing too.

Give it to the right person , NOT even for a trial run.

Say I love you when you mean it.

Not once , when you do ; say it alot of times.

No man feels , fucked up or hurt or anything.

If he says he feels all negative after love.

it's not him who is affected.

It

It's his heart.

a deeply sunk heart."

When's your bday? Imma get you an empty book to fill in these poems

"and give to you at the end of the day to browse them through daily before heading to bed knowing ; it's all about you."

More like lust at first sight.

"Not lust , Not to take me away in a gust. You came , just. Give it a shot at , Us. Perhaps , you're not a need but a Must."

Do you believe in Love at first sight?

"I don't. But, If you are asking me love at fight sight ; I'd say crush at first sight. Love is too deep and sacred to use.

Love is a whole new different thing.

Love is tr(us)t.

Love is many more.

Love doesn't come at fight sight.

never does."

Not so sweet confession, but it's sweet.

I felt the vibe up my spine ; the moment I was in the situation.

You end my day daily ; like a blessing with benediction.

You took my heart in a great speed with an awesome acceleration.

Dutchy oh Dutchy , Will you give me a place ; to reside in your heart. Like an accommodation.

We may differ in various things. From A to Z. Rival like an opposition.

Just so you know , there was once. Once upon a time ; on you I had an Infactuation.

Take it right now ; like a sweet sweet confession.

I don't know what to say.