(Cause at the end of the day, It's you only you standing against the world)
This is gonna be the post you get from me at "that time" of the month.. So guys, you'd rather spend your time watching gayporn than to read this post of mine.
Every girl needs some space for herself at that time of the month. Well maybe it isn't that, maybe it's just this feeling i get about the way certain things around me are.
What happens when the one you trusted the most sets you thinking about something deeply?
What happens when you cleared every of your doubts with that certain someone, but this time you figure you cannot ask that person?
How do you feel when you know the possibility is there? The possibility the person has been using you all the time?
How do you react, when your eyes finally open,after years, to see the person's true image? Or more like, the person's POSSIBLE true image?
It freaks me out real bad, when i know that "coexistence of Good & Evil" doesn't only exists in books, but also in reality. We ALL must come to realize that.
Humans change. Whether for good or bad, everyone WILL change. Whether physically, or emotionally, everyone WILL change. Whether we like it or not, everyone WILL change. No such thing as "I'll be your love forever & you'll be mine forever"(just an example,don't have to rush into a conclusion that this post is all about love blablabla). I do not believe in someone never changing their perspective of you. Whether it's been 2 years,2months,or 2 days, it really depends on how you portray yourself in that 'given' time, that people are gonna judge you.
Yes i say given time, because trust me, that time is GIVEN to you by the judges.
However, there are some out there who cleverly, & sneakily show this side of theirs, that isn't theirs. If you get what i mean. They pretend to be nice, & for all you know, there they are at the back like 'cruella-devil'. Like a spider waiting for a kill. At the beginning they pretend to be all nice & "ouh you're the best thing on earth" kinda thing, later on do we realize it actually means "Ouh you're the stupidest thing on earth & thanks for all the entertainment".
That's one kind.
Another, they start off as nice people. Maybe not nice, but someone who'd never think of doing bad to anyone else. However, like i said, they change. & the irony is, they change because of you. Because of they way you portrayed yourself. Because they liked you for who you are, & they wish they'd be like you. Then envy,hatred,jealousy takes over & there you go, you start to see the 2 horns. No no no, you don't see them yet. You can feel them. You can feel the person turning against you. Then, you can start to feel the trust fading away. Unfortunately, you know this person for years, you'd never ever be able to calculate the probability of a probable betrayal.
Someone please take a gun, point it at me, threaten to shoot me & try to bring me out of my fantasy world, because it's time i begin to realize the world isn't, & will never be,anything like the fantasy world i've been creating for myself.
Then, mum got me thinking. Was packing my stuff to start studying, when what she said practically made me stop & think. My mind went blank. Then,i was thinking.Real hard. No,it can't be.. I'd never think of such a thing. Why would that person? Then again, i forget.It's never too good to prioritize someone in your life. Or you'll never ever be able to accept the truth that the person is actually against you,even if he/she is literally pointing a gun at you.
What's that word again? T-R-U-S-T... Trust? Ouh yes trust. Let me look it up & here, it says to rely on. To depend on. To believe in. If you think you can rely on someone, you can depend on someone, & you can believe in someone, TRUST ME, you're just THINKING. No one can ever 100 % prove they trust this person, unless it's their family. BELIEVE ME when i say that, because TRUST ME, even i myself can't trust my bestfriend at times. I mean come on, you'll tell your bestfriend you want her to be happy.But deep down yes you want her to be happy, but you don't want her to be TOO happy.
How long will this "Trust-paragraph" of mine take to set you thinking, that what i'm saying actually makes some sense? See, if trusting a dumb-ass-pmsing-blogger takes less than a minute, trusting someone you've known for months or years wouldn't take so long.
Trusting someone FOOLISHLY.
Trust is an easy thing to DO, but it isn't an easy thing to MEAN. You may say you trust this person, but deep down you know you cannot tell this person every single thing. So what if i tell my bestfriend that maybe... i made out with a guy? Making with a guy may seem like a big deal to many girls. Kay fine in that case, you feel comfortable telling her you made out with that hottie at school. But do you think you'd tell her you had sex with that guy when you eventually did? No seriously, don't just read. Think about what i just said. You never know when her horns are gonna grow, when she's gonna open the big fat mouth of hers that was hiding behind those lucious lips & let the cat out of the bag.
If you still don't get what i mean. Just fucking get out of your god-damn fantasy world & enter the real world. Nobody ever freaking cares about whether you made out with that business man or went out with the hottest guy in school. What they really care about is, "If this bitch can do it, i can too".Or the latter, which is "How come this bitch is happy, but i am not?" So they will go all out to prove they are better off than you.
If you think i'm full of bullcrap shit, think about it yourself. Don't tell me you've never been at this point of your life where you were jealous of someone because of something they had, that you didn't?
If your answer is, "No bitch never" then go bang your head against the wall till you realise you've been a bitch at times too. If you still don't answer a "Yes", then you might as well kill yourself & stop living in denial cause you're gonna end up in a pile of shit.
So basically what am i trying to imply here?
Use the word "Trust" when you MEAN it. Not because you feel like saying it.
But really basically, what am i trying to say here?
Trust no one but yourself. Because at the end of the day, it's you & only you standing against the world.
Here's something to finish off.
If you are someone whom isn't very attractive, isn't very lucky when it comes to people, isn't very talented when it comes to education, & you have a friend with you who is the total opposite of you; very attractive, very social,very talented, very smart, you'll definitely wanna be like them. (Don't deny puh-lease. & don't say shit like different people are different. Hello, we are all humans)
Someday, a man with a magic potion approaches you & tells you to give it to that person you wanna be like, & says you will gain their attractiveness, luck, talent, everything you've been deprived of, will you or will you not take the potion & feed it to your so called "friend" who has now become someone you have turned against? Because of greed&jealousy? If you ask yourself this question CAREFULLY, you will definitely say YES. Unless you are the most beautiful/ most hottest/ Most attractive/Most smartest/Most talented person in the world.
I even asked my bestfriend that question, & she said if you really trust this person & treat him/her as your close friend, you wouldn't.
TRUST ME, i know her pretty well & she will definitely take that potion. Even if it's me she wants to turn against. Lets face it.
p/s When i say i know her pretty well, i know her for who she has portrayed herself to me for the past 4 years. God knows what she really is like deep inside. She could be some voodoo woman casting her spells on me! YOU NEVER KNOW! Heh Heh. & she shall never know if i meant the sentence before this.Or not.
Goodbye & with love,
ineedtodosomemathnow.
Feel like tuning into some trance music tonight!Anyway yesterday was so fun,taking pictures & all with 4/5.Gonna miss you guys so much!!Practical exam today wasn't so bad,a little afraid for physics because i changed my gradient at the last minute,& i forgot to draw my triangle!!Those taking physics will know what i'm talking about.Can't believe i slept the whole thursday away.It's alright,luckily i caught up on some sleep.Didn't even have the mood to study today. Alright,better turn in now. Got to wake up at 8!!
